Victimization

Sometimes we do it to ourselves

We’ve all encountered this type of person at least once in life. The one whose always on the receiving end of life’s unpleasant events. Their boss yelled at them and made them feel bad. Their father looked at them cross and now they feel their father hates them. Society was mean to them and their feelings were hurt. The person at the grocery store said something rude and now their entire day is ruined. This is the person who no matter what the circumstances or events are, always ends up being the “victim,” as every bad, horrible, or inconvenient thing in life inevitably happens to them. At least according to them everything happens to them, but are they really a victim? Does life and all its unfortunate events only happen to them? Is life being life and treating them just as it treats everyone else? Or did the person create these scenarios so that they can garner sympathy and attention from others? Which of course brings up the question, what does it mean to be a victim?

A victim, according to dictionary.com, “is when a person is harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event.” In other words, a victim is an individual who is unfortunately harmed by events that happen to them not by their own making. External situations can be the result of unfair treatment, abuse, or misfortunes by outside forces.  External forces could be a car crash, being viciously attacked by someone or something, being shot, being verbally attacked, having lies spread about them, being in an accident of some kind, or being treated as less than by others because of their sex, sexual identity or gender. These are just a few examples of external circumstances that result in one being harmed, i.e. victimized.

Self-victimization on the other hand is our friend who is always, according to them, on the receiving end of life’s unfortunate circumstances. Often times these individuals are a victim of their own making as the events and circumstances they think make them a victim, are in fact not victim causing incidents. In other words, this is the individual who often times portrays themselves as a victim of events, circumstances, and situations in their life when nothing harmful occurred to them. They didn’t lose a limb, they weren’t involved in an accident, they weren’t verbally assaulted, attacked, injured, or physically or emotionally wounded by others. These individuals turn events and situations in their life around, so they become the wounded party. A small disagreement with someone turns into a major injustice done to or against them, the “perceived victim.” A supportive conversation with their boss turns into their boss doesn’t like their performance, and they are going to be fired. A disagreement with a family member becomes their relative always comes down on them and never respects them. These individuals often get stuck in this mindset that life always happens to them, and they end up living life with a “please take pity on me, as this horrible thing happened to me” mentality. Which then brings up the question of, is it possible to break out of this way of thinking and free ourselves from being imprisoned by our own self-victimization? Yes.

The first major step in achieving a life free of self-victimization is to realize the difference between the two: what it means to be a victim, and what it means to be a victim of oneself. Then taking those differences and examining one’s life and comparing what it means to be a victim to the incidents where one thought they were a victim. Were you really a victim of those incidents when you thought you were? This is the most difficult step to take as it does require one to step out of themselves and take a deep, analytical view of their life. This is about self-introspection, which is something most people do not like to do out of fear of what they may find, however, isn’t a bit of self-introspection a good thing when it frees one from themselves? Looking, evaluating, and examining one’s past, enables one to view their life from a different lens, victim or self-made victim. Once this is achieved and the comparison has been made, one will find that they were not a victim when they thought they were. The freedom one achieves in doing so is life changing.

Freedom comes from no longer being a victim of one’s making. Happiness lingers on the horizon. What do you want? Do you want to continue to be a victim of your making? Or do you want change?