Dear Summer,

I just want to start off by saying it has been a pleasure spending the last few months with

you. You definitely brought the warmth needed to these old bones after the cold that Winter brought with it. After living in the Pacific Northwest for as long as I did, I forgot just how much warmth you possess. Well, you at least provide a physical warmth, your emotional warmth could still use some work.

With that being said, I do have a question that I hope does not cause you to be offended. When do you plan on taking your leave?

I ask because, well, you have turned into the houseguest who has overextended their visit. Life fish left out on the counter for too long you have started to stink. While I know that may sound harsh, please know that one can only handle so many 100-degree days before they start to get annoyed and irritated with you. Also, you seem to have forgotten that we are in the South, which means that while you may think it’s only a hundred degrees, the humidity makes it much warmer than what the thermometer says.

So, let me break down what all of that means: it’s unbearably hot, and we are tired of living in this scorching heat!

I know I won’t be going there, but I do imagine this is what hell feels like! Yes, I know some would say I most definitely am going there, but considering what I’ve seen other people do, I doubt that will be the case with me.  While I’m not as innocent and pure as Miss Dolly, but no one is.

But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, burning in hell. Take this heat and leave.

As I was saying, or asking, when are you leaving so that your cousin Fall may take up residence? Your extended stay has made you become a nuisance instead of a welcome guest. Shouldn’t you have moved to the Southern Hemisphere by now?

Maybe you’ve gotten a little confused by this whole South versus Southern Hemisphere thing. Well, let me be the first to point you in the right direction. You need to go farther south. Much farther south. Like Australia.

As I said, we are ready for your cousin Fall and all the comforts they bring with them, like cooler weather, falling leaves, and comfy clothes to cuddle up on the couch in while watching the yearly holiday shows.

I am especially looking forward to the all-important gray sweatpants season to begin, and it can’t happen until you leave!

Shorts season is nice, as we get to gaze upon numerous shirtless men exercising outside, their bodies aglow from the sweat dripping off their chiseled physiques. However, gray sweatpants have their own unique advantages, and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

Except to once again ask: When are you going to leave so we can welcome this fun, festive season?

Please don’t think that I don’t appreciate everything you do for us, because I do. It’s just that lately you seem to be getting hotter and staying longer than you used to. Why is this? Did I not get the memo about your request to stay longer? Or was that a decision you made all on your own?

Whatever the reason, it would be greatly appreciated if you could begin packing up your belongings and continue your migration farther south, like you should be doing.

You’ve had a lovely visit. We’ve enjoyed having you. We’ll even invite you back next year.

But, Summer, darling, it’s time to go.

Fall is waiting at the door.

And so is gray sweatpants season!

Thank you for your attention to this all important matter,

Fall Aficionado