Dear Darkness,

In case you were wondering, yes, I do see you. I’ve known you’ve been lurking in the

Rodney Rhoda Taylor enjoys a serene afternoon in the backyard, savoring a Cosmopolitan and their book, "A Life in Letters."

shadows for some time now. Don’t think this hasn’t gone unnoticed, as it hasn’t. With each passing day you’ve slowly been creeping back into my life, like a cat, no, more like a vampire stalking its prey ready to pounce at any moment. While I’ve always wanted a stalker, you are not the stalker I’ve always envisioned myself having as you are not the tall, bearded, hairy chested bear that I always dreamed would be stalking me. You are a dark evil troll who likes to steal the joy and happiness out of everyone. I would apologize for being so direct and blunt, but we both know that would be a useless apology as I wouldn’t mean it, and being direct is the only way I know how to deal with people like you. So, my question to you is why are you here? I thought I made it perfectly clear last time you reached out that you were not necessary for my life! Since it seems like I wasn’t clear, I’d like to take this time to once again reiterate this: you are not necessary for my life! Yes, I probably could have sent you a text instead of writing you a letter, however, I find this format of communication to be more precise as I get to say more than I could if I was writing you a text. While it does take me the same amount of time to write a letter as it does a text, I still find the best way of communicating with you is by letter. (My fingers are too big for the phone, and I have to hunt and peck on that tiny little screen, so there’s that.) I know you thought you were sneaky with the way you were slowly trying to insert yourself back into my life, but the whispers are what gave you away. Whispers are meant to be soft and typically behind one’s back, yours were not. They are very loud as it’s impossible not to hear “you are better off alone, you can’t trust people, you are stupid for making the move.” It’s very hard to ignore those comments. While I know I ignored them in the past, that is no longer the case as the new me is stronger than the person you knew. I’ve taught myself to always be on the lookout for your tricks. I enforce my boundaries now, even if that means cutting off people’s access to me. Yes, life has given me a few lemons with this latest move, and yes, the same dating experiences of my past have once again appeared and have caused my emotional baggage to spill out on the floor and the present turmoil of hatred that’s been brewing in the United States has caused my anxiety to start holding all night disco parties in my head keeping me awake, and yes, even in spite of all of that and a few other hiccups because of people at work, you do not get to come and join the party! I will and am going to manage all of this on my own. I don’t need your help. In fact, you are not needed. I thought I made that clear when I kicked you out a few years ago? Did you think I would welcome you back with open arms and say I’ve missed you, my long-lost friend? I don’t think so. I only save that kind of greeting for my friends. And like I said a few years ago, you are not a friend, you weren’t then and you most certainly will not be one any time in the future. Let me clear up a few other things for you as well, as I want us to be on the same page. I realize my staying in the house and not going out might make you think I’m making room for you in my life, I am not. It’s cold outside and I am simply rebooting. Getting myself prepared for the next phase of my life, preparing and trying to figure out what’s next. To quote Miranda Priestly, “That’s all.” It is not an invitation for you. Are we clear? I’m sure you will constantly be trying to barge back into my life, like a stalker does, just know, that I will constantly be fighting against you and your schemes. (So, please step aside so the hot bear can stalk me.) With that said, I leave you, and bid adieu as I have to go sort through the emotional pile of dating luggage that has exploded.

Still, not your friend.